I bet most, if not all of us, associate the phrase “To love and to Hold” with marriage vows. I’d imagine some of us will read this just because of the title but don’t give up on me just yet 🤗. It will be worth your read… Or at least I hope so 🙂. I’d like to submit to us a different view today. Walk with me 😉.
When I think about love, I think about 1 Corinthians 13 which describes the kind of love that we have been called to practice. This is the kind of love that is only possible when we have interacted with God, who is Love in and of Himself. I talked about it a while ago. ( You can read it here: https://quintessencengethe.wordpress.com/2018/07/11/love-is-patient/ )
Over and above bearing the fruits associated with love such as kindness, patience and perseverance, we hold on to the people that God has put in our lives to love. This vow is not conditional, we are to fulfill our end 0f the bargain regardless of what the other person does. This then leads me to think about the Christian community to which we have been called into, to love and to hold these fellow believers.
In the course of life we will go through many painful circumstances. Sometimes this pain will be inflicted by the people in our lives. At other times, external factors such as sickness, loss of a job or even death will cause us pain. I imagine, like me, most of us don’t run to others when painful circumstances squeeze life from us. Instead, we isolate ourselves, cry and wallow. Sometimes the pain cuts so deep that we can barely pray for ourselves. We probably sit in God’s presence and when we try to find words to express how we feel, hopelessness overwhelms us and the crying begins all over again. Is it just me or do we all go through such phases?
I am learning, rather slowly, that Jesus wants to be a part of our pain, to walk alongside us through the bewilderment, to shoulder the burdens we pick up so quickly by ourselves. And He wants to invite us to community, so others can be His hands and feet when we can’t feel or walk. His invitation isn’t simply to Him but to the family He created when He died on the cross and welcomed us into community.
I’m not a good dancer. I think I have two left feet but when the mood is right, I vibrate the way I want . Ask my friends. Sometimes in that alleged dancing, I might accidentally step on my dance partner or they might step on me. It most definitely won’t be an intentional thing, but it doesn’t nullify the fact that I stepped on them and they got hurt in the process. This is very similar to what happens in real life. In the course of doing life together in the community that Christ welcomed us into, we will cross paths and people will get hurt. The hurt might even feel unbearable just because somebody in the fellowship hurt us. We’d probably find it easier to forgive someone who does the same thing to us, except they are not Christians.
We tend to wall off our hearts in the aftermath of pain. We will probably throw tantrums over-emphasizing how badly we’ve been hurt and how those people are not who they show the world that they are. Believe you me, I used to be the girl who wrote people off when they hurt me. I rarely confront people so I find walking away to be an easier alternative. But as I mentioned earlier, I am learning how to let Jesus shoulder my burdens while I allow His people to be my feet when I can barely feel my legs.
The writer of Hebrews says:
24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25
Maybe part of the reason why some of these people abandoned the gathering of believers was because someone in that fellowship hurt them and they were having a difficult time forgiving them. Truth is, if we are to make any progress towards forgiving these people, we have to not only accept, but also believe the indisputable truth that God loves us and He also loves the people who have hurt us. Jesus loved these people enough to die for them. Jesus, who had been betrayed by His friend for pocket change, Jesus who had been denied by His very good friend, Jesus who was spat on, Jesus whose clothes were cast lots on so they could divide the spoil loved these people enough to die for them. I highly doubt we have experienced the kind of betrayal Jesus experienced yet He forgave anyway. He even prayed for their forgiveness to The Father. Who are we not to forgive?
There are many benefits derived from holding on to the community. These include having a form of accountability. Hebrews encourages us to spur one another to love and good deeds. In our anger, we may forget that sin tends to abound, to grow, to flourish in walking alone. When we cover up sin, it continues to strengthen its grip on us. However, when we expose it, it loses its strength. It has nothing on us. The godly community spurs us towards good deeds.
Another benefit derived from community is that we don’t do life alone. Not so long ago, a number of issues weighed heavily on my heart and my mind was deeply troubled. My natural inclination is dealing with my issues alone due to trust issues. But I decided to put to practice what I have been learning about allowing God’s people to hold me. I reached out to a friend and shared my heart with her. She spoke into my life, sharing her own experiences. What I was reminded is that, as it is written, the challenges that I was going through are not unique to me. She cheered me on and encouraged me that it would pass. Knowing that she has been through this and conquered encourages me to know that I too will emerge victorious.
There is no guarantee that we won’t get hurt in the course of our interactions. However, as iron clashes with iron as they sharpen one another, we too will become better in the course of our interactions. If anything, we learn how to trust God all the more. We learn how to love as He has loved us. The more we love, the more He increases our capacity to love. We cannot expect Him to increase in us a love for His people when all we do is build walls any time people hurt us.
May we trust God to teach us how to love as He has loved and to Hold on to His people.
Love,
Quintessence
